How to Master Difficult Conversations

A hard truth that I wish I had known earlier in life:

Anything people hear that implies wrongness on their part prevents you from connecting with them.

Here is a framework I wish more leaders would have internalized to escape the blame game:

How to Master Difficult Conversations With Non-Violent Communication.

You can master difficult conversations without blame and drama.

The framework of Non-violent communication (NVC) helps you resolve conflicts by:

→ identifying unmet needs

→ finding mutually satisfactory solutions

→ sharing requests

This structure, developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD., enables you to communicate with empathy and avoid unnecessary drama.  

Let us take a look together at the NVC Framework:

NVC Framework

1. OBSERVATION

→ Describe the situation without judgment

→ Only share facts you both could agree on

2. FEELINGS

→ Express your feelings without criticism.

→ Remember to focus on YOUR emotions.

3. NEEDS

→ Express your needs

→ Stay calm and be as precise as possible

4. REQUEST

→ Share your request so your needs can be met

→ Your request should be specific and doable

Next, let’s apply this framework with a simple example:

Applying Non-Violent Communication

"Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

Dont blame.

Don't communicate like this:

→ "You always stare at your phone when I talk to you.”

→ “You are making me angry because you are not taking time for me.”

→ “Stop staring at your phone and give me your attention."

Do it differently.

Apply Non-Violent Communication instead, like this:

→ “When you look at your phone while talking to me” (Observation)

→ “I feel irritated” (Feelings)

→ “Because I need more undivided attention from you.” (Needs)

→ “Would you be willing to look at me when I talk to you?” (Request)

"Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need."

-Marshall B. Rosenberg

I hope you will take the time to practice this NVC framework.

Use it next time you prepare for a challenging conversation.

If this resonates with you, share it with someone who needs it.

I’ll see you next week,

Nikolas Konstantin

P.S. Want more…

Here are some portals into the Nikolas Konstantin Multiverse:

The Yearly Reflection Space for Leaders: The Wise Leadership Retreat

I've opened applications for my 2024 "Wise Leadership Retreat.“ It will take place 28. May - 02. June this year.

What you can expect:

1. Opening workshop on Wise Leadership to gain clarity on your values and goals.

2. Three days of silent meditation training to radically enhance creativity and skills of awareness.

3. Nourishing meals, sauna, and beautiful surrounding lake and nature.

4. Connecting with like-minded leaders facing similar challenges.

5. Closing workshop to harvest new skills and insights for lasting growth.

You could be eligible if you:

• 5 + years of leadership experience

• have an ongoing reflection practice (coaching, therapy)

• have a meditation practice

If you think you are eligible, apply here

Training the Theory and Art of Meditation: A Beautiful Mind Course

You asked me if I could pack the meditations and lessons of my retreat into a portable format.

Here is my clumsy attempt at distilling the feeling, models, and mental training into something that could work for the online world.

If you want to train your mind but also want to understand the theory from science and meditation traditions, this one is for you:

So far, I have included The Guide to the 3 Styles of Meditation E-Book, 4 hours of theory, 10 + Meditations & Retreat Mode (create your own silent retreat with my retreat recordings). Join and let me know what to record next.

The Best of Management and Leadership: Founder Playbooks

As a founder coach, I scan the best of leadership literature, Harvard Business Review, and mindfulness so you can focus on what matters most—building a thriving organization.

Some of that theory makes it into my library, featuring the best management and leadership theory. So far, I have made those "Founder Playbooks" only accessible to my coachees. Join the club and tell me what I should write about next.